Money has a unique way of impacting relationships - Here are 3 helpful tips

It doesn't matter if you are 10 years into a marriage or on the dating scene, it's important understand that managing joint finances can make or break a partnership.

Most couples have different perspectives on managing money to some degree or another. Each partner brings their own money mindset shaped by personal experiences, upbringing, and beliefs.

Some people value independence and control over their finances, while others prioritise shared responsibilities and collective decision-making. Recognising and respecting these individual money mindsets is crucial for establishing a strong foundation in joint money management.

Some differences will be small, like your preference to shop at Woolworths or Coles.

There will always be some differences big or small. It helps to recognise that this is normal, it about how to manage those differences for the best outcome for everyone involved.

Here are 3 helpful tips I’ve found helpful in working with many couples through this money journey, from new couples in their 20’s to those in their 80’s.

1. Watch a game of cricket and observe how the batsmen communicate

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and the same holds true for managing joint finances. Couples should engage in open and honest discussions about their financial goals, values, and expectations. This dialogue helps foster understanding, builds trust, and enables the creation of a shared vision for the future.

Trust is easily lost, from your perspective an innocent misuse of money could be an honest mistake, but through the others person’s eyes that same issue could be a dishonest deed and lead them to question other more important money decisions you make.

Don’t make assumptions, sure it can come across as over communicating but it’s so important to not lose trust.

I know cricket is boring for many but I’m a bit of cricket fan so bear with me on this one.

In cricket you must bat with a partner, once you hit the ball it’s important you communicate with your partner to get runs on the board, most batsmen have a simple method of communication. They hit the ball and yell one of three options; YES to run, WAIT to see if the fielding team is about to get the ball, or NO to not run.

Most junior cricket coaches will encourage this method of communication to be followed strictly. Why? Because any other words being yelled can lead to confusion, someone getting out, and a poor result for the team.

Apply this same logic to your money life, what is your YES, NO, WAIT system for money communication. Keep it as simple as you can, to avoid the dreaded call of …yes, no, wait, sorry!

2. Don’t outsource your future planning

In any partnership, it's important to divide responsibilities to ensure a fair and balanced approach. Assigning specific financial responsibilities such as bill payments or investment decisions.

Clear roles and expectations help each partner feel valued and involved in the financial decision-making process.

Some couples however see the temptation to delegate the whole job of money management to one person, leading to the relationship having a money person and a non-money person.

This can sound good for some in theory, you deal with all the money stuff, and I’ll sort out the laundry and the dishes.

What are the issues in practise then?

Well, the outcomes of managing your money ultimately determine what you do in your life. So, if you don’t have an input to some degree in the management of your money then in you are outsourcing the decision-making process for your life.

There are also two major downsides.

It can lead to a mismatch of control, if one person is the money person then they effectively decide what the couple or family unit are doing with their life.

This can lead to an overwhelming sense for some partners in handling this responsibility, on the other hand it can lead to the other partner feeling like a victim of decisions made by their partner. In extreme cases this can lead to financial abuse with money being withheld or controlled by one partner.

Another issue is if the money person passes away it can leave the other partner and the rest of the family in a hard position. They are adjusting to a life without their partner and at the same time they are taking on all this responsibility that they have no idea about and it can be overwhelming.

When I started in financial advice I worked with a lot of retirees and I saw this over and over, traditionally the husband took complete control of the money management, so when they passed, they left a widow that hadn’t managed money in 30 years or more.

3. Bring in the third person

Emotion from both sides can get in the way of seeing all the possible options.

Financial matters can sometimes become complex, especially when considering long-term goals.

You will get stuck at times and that’s why I encourage my clients to use my services not just to set up the plan but to keep me part of the decision-making process, having someone that understands where you are trying to get to as a couple in the long term is important.

Also, as a financial adviser I’m not emotionally invested in your issue; I want the best outcome for your family unit in line with your long-term goals.

Key actions to take away

Ensure you have a regularly scheduled Progress Meeting (couple money chat) in your calendar at least monthly.

Start making a list of questions or disagreements from previous month or fortnight. This is your agenda for your next Progress Meeting.

Review and adjust responsibilities with money management over time to ensure the balance is fair for you both.

Work on your simple system for decision making. Along the lines of YES, NO, WAIT.

Contact your financial adviser if you are getting stuck on any issues, it’s important not to let these issues fester.

Want to know more?

1) You can click here to book a free 15-minute free clarity call with Sam Woodhouse to discuss how this may relate to you.

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The information contained in this article is general information only. It is not intended to be a recommendation, offer, advice or invitation to purchase, sell or otherwise deal in securities or other investments. Before making any decision in respect to a financial product, you should seek advice from an appropriately qualified professional. We believe that the information contained in this document is accurate. However, we are not specifically licensed to provide tax or legal advice and any information that may relate to you should be confirmed with your tax or legal adviser.